James likes jokes, riddles and pranks. Last night he said that he wanted me to dress him up as a really funny clown and give him a bag full of pranks so he could go to the hospital and make Ben and the other patients laugh. He has asked me to put some of his favorite material on here for everyone. My apologies to any copyright holders.

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The worlds oldest joke has been identified. It is from Sumeria. The boys really laughed hard when I pointed out it was a FART joke. Then I told them the joke and the laughter stopped with a, "Huh?"

It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes:

"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did

not fart in her husband's lap."

                       

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Prank Time

   The following is a prank and we accept NO responsibility for any punishments received as a result of anyone actually performing this prank. In fact we accept no responsibility for anything that results from performing any pranks or telling any jokes on this site. We recommend that none of these acts actually be recreated. By the way never pull a prank that you wouldn't mind someone pulling on you and make sure it is something that you will take responsibility for because eventually you will be found out.

Wooden Spoon Prank

   I cannot explain the wooden spoon prank. If you can pull this off you will have people peeing their pants as they watch it happen. The link below will take you to a YouTube video to see it. Please be aware that there may be other videos on this site that are inappropriate for younger viewers. Also it can hurt so don't do it too hard. Try it on yourself first. Watch the video you'll understand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcWl0BAEEMk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou5d3Of79mI

   

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What's the magic word to get rid of scabs?

                     SCABRACADABRA!

Does it work?

                      Scabsolutely!

What were the little snots afraid of when they went to bed?

                      The Booger Man.

What did the teacher say after James told the last joke to his class?

                       You may think it's funny, but, it's snot!

What is brown and sticky?

                       A stick.

                     

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Prank Alert!!!! - Please see prank disclaimer

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Prank #3

              

   This prank requires great patience and a little luck. You need to get a brand new jar of peanut butter. You want to use the same brand that your family usually uses. You can either get your Mom to give you one or sneak one out of the cupboard. If you are playing this trick on Dad your Mom would be a good ally for this one.

   Very, very carefully peel back some of the protective cover that prevents tampering.  Use a skewer or some other clean stick like tool ( a straw, spoon handle, etc.) to carefully reach through the small opening you've created and write "Hi" in the peanut butter and then put the seal back down and close the jar as tight as you possibly can. Being tight will fool the next person who opens it into thinking it hasn't been opened. Hopefully they won't notice the tamper seal being disturbed. When they see the word Hi they will think someone wrote it at the store or in the factory. The look on there face as they read it is usually great. Moms will usually just throw the jar away. Dads and Siblings usually go running to Mom screaming, "Someone wrote Hi in the peanut butter." It is for those reasons that Mom is a great ally or person to pull this prank.

  Do NOT ever tamper with products in the store or that may be placed on a stores' shelf for sale.

                          

   

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How do you wake up a sleeping elephant?

                  With an alarm clock.

What is the difference between an elephant and a skate board?

                   One has 4 wheels and the other doesn't.

How do you make an elephant laugh?

                    You tickle him.

How do you brush a saber-toothed tigers teeth?

                    Very carefully.

Why does SpongeBob eat his dinner under the table?

                    He doesn't want to over eat.

What is pink and soft and found between a monster's teeth?

                   Slow runners.

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Prank Alert!!!! - Please see prank disclaimer

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#2  - Find on old playball that you no longer want, it needs to be one that has a SLOW leak and is partially deflated.

Place it behind the rear wheel of one of your parents cars and wedge it up against the tire.

When they back out of the garage or driveway in the morning it will make a very large POP!!! They will get out to look and see if they just popped a tire.

Do not do this if your parent has a heart condition.

This prank works really well if you have an older brother or sister who borrows your parents car from time to time. Try to be nearby because the look on their face will be a good one. Don't be obvious though and be prepared to fess up to it. Make sure it is your ball. It will be obvious who put the ball there when you are rolling on the floor laughing. Although anybody else who witnesses it will also be laughing.

                          

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   One by one, a class of 5th graders were called on to make sentences with words chosen by their teacher. Nick didn't often participate in class, so his teacher was glad when she saw him raise his hand to give it a try.

    "Nick," said the teacher, "make a sentence with the words'defeat,' 'defense,' 'deduct,' and 'detail.'"

      

    Nick thought for a few minutes and smiled. He shouted, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!"                       

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How do you catch a squirrel?

               Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

What do you get when you cross a mountain lion and a parrot?

               I don't know, but, you better listen when it talks.

What did the 500 pound canary say as he walked down the street?

               "Here kitty, kitty, kitty."

Why did the dog cross the road twice?

               He was chasing a boomerang.

What do cats call mice?

               Delicious.

                    

                     

Prank Time

   The following is a prank and we accept no responsibility for any punishments received as a result of anyone actually performing this prank. In fact we accept no responsibility for anything that results from performing any pranks or telling any jokes on this site. We recommend that none of these acts be recreated. By the way never pull a prank that you wouldn't mind someone pulling on you and make sure it is something that you will take responsibility for because eventually you will be found out.

                           

#1 - With the kitchen sink faucet turned off take a rubber band wrap it around the sprayer handle so it is the on position. Place the sprayer back where it belongs and make sure it is pointed towards you as you stand to turn on the water faucet. Quietly walk away and wait for the next person to turn on the water in the kitchen sink. Make sure you are fully dressed and have your sneakers on when they go to turn on the water. You will most likely have to run. If they are in their pajamas outside might be good place to go. If you are lucky you will be in school when your mother turns it on and gets sprayed.